Is there a 12 step program for bein' an asshole?

ok...so..here are the minutes of the evening..as it has apparently come to a close, cuz all the house lights are down:

-schnockard at co-worker's lavish holiday soiree, many, MANY drunk fucks.

-hit o' the green on the way out

-pelican lar's w/em and co...more beers

so, as one would probably imagine, much fug ensued at the co-worker's digs. by the end of the night, grown women were proclaiming their love for me because i was (indeed) the keeper of the smokes. why is it that "non-smokers" are always the worst bums?
then, at lar's..there's this dude..and according to popular belief, he jacked off a dog. a fuckin great dane. yeah. i washed my hands after shakin w/that asshole...speakin of assholes..he is self-proclaimed..and mike goes "the first step is admission"..thus the title..so anyway, right before we dipped out, there were two adult men double-ass slappin and jammin out to...wait for it... "I Will Survive"...again, go ahead, wish you were me. better yet! wish you were me in the future w/my badass camera phone and instant feeds to my thumbnail on this site.